It's my world

A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: "State your citizenship."
B:"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again."
B: "I sed American."
A: "I'm going to give you a test."
B: "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American."
A: "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow."
B: "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"

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The day of the oral exam:
Teacher: Are you nervous?
Student: No, I am not. I am single.

Teacher: Is this your pencil?
Student: Yes, I am a pencil.

Teacher: What are you wearing?
Student: I am fat.
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Student to teacher," Are 'pants' singular or plural?"
Teacher, "They're singular on top and plural on the bottom."
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Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

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Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.
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On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked.

"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
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Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
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A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."

The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out the door.

So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading "Panda". It reads:

panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.
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There was a man who has two dogs, named 'commonsense' and 'trouble'. He always brought his dogs to the park every evening. One day, he only brought 'trouble' to the park, and left 'commonsense' at home. while the man was so happy playing 'frisbee' with his friends, 'commonsense' disappeared. The man was so sad and panicky. He looked for his dog everywhere but could not find it. A lady realised it and asked the man, "What are you looking for?". The man replied "I'm looking for 'trouble'...". "pardon..", said the lady. The man replied in a higher tone "I am looking for 'TROUBLE'". The lady was annoyed and asked "Where's your COMMONSENSE?". The man whose mind was only about his dogs, answered "At home..."

After months of playing fantastic football, Man Utd once again, for the 18th times have been crowned as the champions of England. After drawing with Arsenal, Man Utd have the advantage of one point extra, no matter if Liverpool win their remaining two games. This is also the 11th titles for Sir Alex Ferguson who by far becomes the most successful manager in English football history. So, bring on Barcelona. The Red Devils will destroy you in the UEFA Champions League final in Rome coming this 28 May. Glory, glory Man Utd.

Hari ini,16 Mei 2009, hari untuk merayakan semua guru. Setelah 9 tahun bergelumang di dalam profesion keguruan ni, banyak pahit manis yang telah dilalui menderu meniti di minda kenangan pada setiap hari yang diharungi sebagai seorang guru.

Bergelar guru membuka pintu untuk aku menjadi orang yang lebih sabar. Terlalu banyak peristiwa yang seakan hampir dapat menggoncang kantung kesabaranku. Seakan pecah berguguran rantai sabar yang mengikatku tatkala ada murid yang berlaku kurang ajar, menempelak tindakanku ke atasnya. Sabarku juga pasti akan dijolok keras dengan kerakusan sesetengah rakan sependidik yang seperti mahu menekanku untuk terus maju di dalam profesion yang mulia ini. Istilah gunting dalam lipatan, api dalam sekam seolah begitu sinonim dengan tugasan harianku setelah hampir sedekad ku mengabdikan diri dengan title seorang guru.

Namun, apa yang pasti, life goes on..So, i wish all my fellow comrades a happy teachers day..May Allah bless all of us..dan jadilah pendidik demi Allah dan negara.

Manchester United booked their place in the UEFA Champions League final with a 3-1 victory over Arsenal at Emirates Stadium.

Much of the damage was done inside the opening 11 minutes as United, leading 1-0 from the first leg, scored early goals through Park Ji-sung and Cristiano Ronaldo.

United knew that scoring one goal would leave Arsenal needing three and it took just eight minutes for them to break the deadlock, Park capitalising on a slip from Kieran Gibbs to fire home Ronaldo's cut-back.

Ronaldo then silenced the home crowd and effectively killed off the contest three minutes later with a ferocious free-kick from distance that beat a despairing Manuel Almunia.

The defending European champions remained in complete control and Ronaldo made it 3-0 on the night in the 61st minute following a lightning-quick counter-attack involving Park and Wayne Rooney.

There was some disappointment for United when Darren Fletcher was shown a straight red card on 75 minutes despite appearing to have won the ball from Cesc Fabregas with a fair tackle.

A penalty was awarded and Robin van Persie converted his chance emphatically, but there was never any chance of a fightback and United held on to claim a 4-1 aggregate success.

(skysports.com)

Manchester United moved three points clear of Liverpool at the top of the Premier League table after a comfortable 2-0 win over Portsmouth at Old Trafford.

Wayne Rooney set the reigning champions on their way with an early opener as United sought to reclaim top spot after Liverpool's 4-4 draw with Arsenal on Tuesday night.

And substitute Michael Carrick settled any lingering nerves by firing home a crisp second goal in the 82nd minute to finish off Pompey.

(skysports.com)

What comes to your mind when you read the title of this article? Certainly many things will come to your mind..it actually suggests how fragile the word THANKS to be uttered by certain group of people nowadays. I never intend to touch on this issue, even though it always triggers in my head everytime it happens to me or any other people whom we called as teachers or educators. What i want to stress here is that, when one has succeeded in achieving great result in their exam, especially in SPM, teachers are the last group of people that they will go to and express their gratitude and thanks. Teachers seem to be contributed nothing to their success, what more if the teachers are the most hatred list when they were still in their form 5. We teachers never want these ungrateful group of people to come to us, kiss our hands or give us presents or something. It's enough to greet us in a polite manner and convey your thankfulness and gratitude for all the efforts that these teachers have done to you throughout the years. Unfortunately, for the last 9 years in this school, whenever the SPM candidates came to get their result, there were just acted indifferent to their former teachers. There were just busy with their friends, comparing their results, and only gave a cynical smile if their former teachers passed through them. Is is too hard to say hello and greet your teachers? One thing that i can conclude from all this experience, is that these group of our former students never consider us as their teachers. For them, these teachers are only relevant during their schooldays. After that, what the f**k that they care. They even try to avoid themselves from encountering with us. This is the reality that we as teachers have to accept. Maybe in my early years of service, i would feel irritated, but now, what the f**k that i care. Your thanks but no thanks attitude we hope will bring you more success in the future. It is you, and your efforts alone that make you great and succeed. Teachers? Who are they?
Having said that, I was lucky to have taught and met with several group of students who never forget to give their well-wish throughout the years. I wish them all the best and my blessings will be with them. So...lu fikirla sendiri..!!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
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--- And the best for last: ---

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.