It's my world

A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: "State your citizenship."
B:"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again."
B: "I sed American."
A: "I'm going to give you a test."
B: "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American."
A: "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors: green, pink and yellow."
B: "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"

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The day of the oral exam:
Teacher: Are you nervous?
Student: No, I am not. I am single.

Teacher: Is this your pencil?
Student: Yes, I am a pencil.

Teacher: What are you wearing?
Student: I am fat.
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Student to teacher," Are 'pants' singular or plural?"
Teacher, "They're singular on top and plural on the bottom."
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Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

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Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.
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On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked.

"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
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Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
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A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."

The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out the door.

So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading "Panda". It reads:

panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.
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There was a man who has two dogs, named 'commonsense' and 'trouble'. He always brought his dogs to the park every evening. One day, he only brought 'trouble' to the park, and left 'commonsense' at home. while the man was so happy playing 'frisbee' with his friends, 'commonsense' disappeared. The man was so sad and panicky. He looked for his dog everywhere but could not find it. A lady realised it and asked the man, "What are you looking for?". The man replied "I'm looking for 'trouble'...". "pardon..", said the lady. The man replied in a higher tone "I am looking for 'TROUBLE'". The lady was annoyed and asked "Where's your COMMONSENSE?". The man whose mind was only about his dogs, answered "At home..."

After months of playing fantastic football, Man Utd once again, for the 18th times have been crowned as the champions of England. After drawing with Arsenal, Man Utd have the advantage of one point extra, no matter if Liverpool win their remaining two games. This is also the 11th titles for Sir Alex Ferguson who by far becomes the most successful manager in English football history. So, bring on Barcelona. The Red Devils will destroy you in the UEFA Champions League final in Rome coming this 28 May. Glory, glory Man Utd.

Hari ini,16 Mei 2009, hari untuk merayakan semua guru. Setelah 9 tahun bergelumang di dalam profesion keguruan ni, banyak pahit manis yang telah dilalui menderu meniti di minda kenangan pada setiap hari yang diharungi sebagai seorang guru.

Bergelar guru membuka pintu untuk aku menjadi orang yang lebih sabar. Terlalu banyak peristiwa yang seakan hampir dapat menggoncang kantung kesabaranku. Seakan pecah berguguran rantai sabar yang mengikatku tatkala ada murid yang berlaku kurang ajar, menempelak tindakanku ke atasnya. Sabarku juga pasti akan dijolok keras dengan kerakusan sesetengah rakan sependidik yang seperti mahu menekanku untuk terus maju di dalam profesion yang mulia ini. Istilah gunting dalam lipatan, api dalam sekam seolah begitu sinonim dengan tugasan harianku setelah hampir sedekad ku mengabdikan diri dengan title seorang guru.

Namun, apa yang pasti, life goes on..So, i wish all my fellow comrades a happy teachers day..May Allah bless all of us..dan jadilah pendidik demi Allah dan negara.

Manchester United booked their place in the UEFA Champions League final with a 3-1 victory over Arsenal at Emirates Stadium.

Much of the damage was done inside the opening 11 minutes as United, leading 1-0 from the first leg, scored early goals through Park Ji-sung and Cristiano Ronaldo.

United knew that scoring one goal would leave Arsenal needing three and it took just eight minutes for them to break the deadlock, Park capitalising on a slip from Kieran Gibbs to fire home Ronaldo's cut-back.

Ronaldo then silenced the home crowd and effectively killed off the contest three minutes later with a ferocious free-kick from distance that beat a despairing Manuel Almunia.

The defending European champions remained in complete control and Ronaldo made it 3-0 on the night in the 61st minute following a lightning-quick counter-attack involving Park and Wayne Rooney.

There was some disappointment for United when Darren Fletcher was shown a straight red card on 75 minutes despite appearing to have won the ball from Cesc Fabregas with a fair tackle.

A penalty was awarded and Robin van Persie converted his chance emphatically, but there was never any chance of a fightback and United held on to claim a 4-1 aggregate success.

(skysports.com)